No More Titles

While 'No More Titles' sounds like some grandiose statement about life (and I guess it can be), it's more a simple statement saying that I won't be coming up with creative blog titles on this blog. For some reason, having to come up with creative titles or topics limits my writing, which I just want to do more of. Now that I've said that, I'll actually make this title relevant.

Assume formlessness. That was my 'law of the day' today. I'm reminded of Bruce Lee and his style of jeet kune do. Be like water. Ever flowing, formless in spirit, able to adapt quickly and seamlessly. Without form seems to fit my current state quite while. While I finally had a discussion with my 'boss' (a term I use lightly), and got a timeline for payment, I still have little going on in way of work, but am hoping he'll give me more assignments soon so that my 'big bucks' that I supposedly have coming won't feel like a waste to him.

I haven't yet decided if I'm going to continue work with this company after June or July, but I'm going to ride the wave out and see how I feel. I have decided that I'd prefer to help people than have a typical job. I like the idea of doing consulting work, because I'm earning a living by helping people.

I was recently reminded of the kind of business that I cannot participate in. I was given the pricelist of a design/printing company a client was using. She's charging $105 for 1000 business cards. For doorhangers, she charges $671 for 5000. These are commodity products. She doesn't own a printing press, so what's she's doing is taking orders for her clients and ordering through an online distributor. For those who have no clue, the typical online price for 1000 business cards is about $22 and 5000 doorhangers is $273. I cannot do this type of business. What I will do is tell my clients where to order their business cards and doorhangers for the cheapest price.

you have the look...

So, after spending an hour or so at the mall, bored as hell since my entire family is in another state, I went on to a more familiar place. Guitar Center. After spending about fifteen minutes silent playing a Fender Telecaster, I look around for the keyboards. Where are they? They must have hidden them all the way in the back. I look around for a bit, and finally I spy them all the way in the back beyond the pro audio recording equipment.

As I'm making my way through the pro audio section, a worker asks me if he can help me find anything in particular, I say 'no, thank you, just heading to the keys', and keep moving to the back. Once in the keyboard section, I see the same worker had followed me to this section. Wow, he must really need a sale.

'Are you in a band?' he asks. I chuckle a little and respond in the negative. He continues, 'Are you looking for a band?' I chuckle some more and respond, 'Not really, why do you need someone for your band?' He explains that he is starting a band and I dress like everyone else, so I'd fit in with their image. Once again, I laugh. So, I entertain this guy for just a minute.

'What style of music?' The first thing he mentions, no lie, is Bush and Sixteen Stone. Wow, bringing it back to junior high. Those were the days. He goes on to mention 'Kings of Leon' and 'The Rolling Stones'. Now, at this point I mention that those are some quite diverse bands. He agrees, but mentions alternative with a little hard rock as being the focus.

So this guy tells me he's got a phenom lead guitarist and bass player lined up. He's a Marine (served in Iraq) who almost got kicked out for writing protest music. His names Tyler Jay, look it up. He has his own recording studio here in town and a lot of gear. I'm intrigued.

Long story short, I am meeting him and the other band members for an impromptu jam session/hangout late tonight at his place.

UPDATE: Tonight, we're meeting at a sports bar for drinks, tomorrow it's jam session at his house during the day.

holding on for what?

I'm not sure what I'm still holding out for. When I took this job in January, the boss made big promises about big money. I'm not materialistic (am I?), but just as most of us, I wouldn't mind having a little excess money to feel comfortable. Perhaps I'm wrong. I feel materialistic and not at the same time. I enjoy my possessions, but I practice non-attachment. If it were all gone tomorrow, I wouldn't bat an eye.

With that said, big promises. Since January, I've made roughly higher than minimum wage, yet I've saved my company lots of money. Designing websites, business cards, making business deals and networking. No, I haven't closed any deals, but I'm not sales. It's not my function. I try to frame it to my boss. I remember him saying 'I'm tired of spending money on people not bringing in anything'. Since it's not my function to make sales, I must constantly remind him so that he doesn't perceive me in an inaccurate light.

This week, my family went on vacation. That's right. Everyone except me went back home. I mentioned it to my boss rather cavalierly, thinking that perhaps he'd respond with something reasonable. Perhaps he'd say 'Oh, don't worry about it, go visit your family, we'll take care of things while you're gone'. Nope. It's good, you need to stay here.

He wakes up before noon most days, leaves without telling me he's gone, pays me on time most weeks, although we're currently behind a week and a half. Do I have a job? I wonder sometimes.

Here I am at home, family in another state, figuring out how to spend my weekend alone. I've got my own side business that I can't figure out how to brand, or what the hell it even is. I need to brainstorm with a branding strategist. Funny, my cards have branding on the list of my expertise </plural>, yet I can't quite figure out what it is I do.

Am I waiting for something that will never come? Am I allowing myself to be used? Do I care? I have remained unattached from this, yet I can tell that a part of it is still eating away at my core. Can I be me and function in society? Is there a place for me at the table? What am I waiting for? Is it worth the cost to reap the benefits.

Part of me says that the big promises will come through within the next month. If it's not happening by June, I'm out. In fact, I may drop out after this 'booming' season regardless. It's not worth the money to destroy myself in the process.